(almost) quiet mornings

Ahhh, woke up bright and early at 6am today. There is almost nothing better in my mind than waking up fully rested about an hour before my alarm. Had a leisurely morning with coffee, overnight oats, some Bible reading, and knitting. I almost had a full day before work this morning. The only thing that would have made it better would have been the absence of a roommate who was way too eager to converse with me.

Such is the life of an introvert who lives with people.

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withdrawals

I am having all sorts of withdrawals these days. Cooking withdrawals, friend withdrawals, family withdrawals, and school withdrawals. Let’s talk about them in that order shall we?

Cooking withdrawals:

Life has been a whirlwind of travel, visitors, and general busyness and I have been left with few chances to cook for myself. From a car accident in Maine, a weekend on Long Island, and an emergency trip home to Washington, I have kept my fridge clear of anything fresh for fear of spoiled food. If you would believe it, I almost lost faith in my cooking skills one night and I threw away a whole casserole in favor of a pbj. Yep, it was a bad night. Not to worry though, I am making up for it this week with a potato and butternut squash quiche, crispy baked tofu and sweet potato fries, raw kale and brussel sprout salad, and a black bean and butternut squash pasta concoction that is on the stove as I write. The only thing that would make this week better would be if I had someone to share it with (which I sometimes do these days).

Friend withdrawals:

Nothing new here. It is both a relief and a burden to know that there is no one place I could move to be close to everyone I love. I have friends across the globe (literally) and it is a joy to share their excitement about new life opportunities. Last week I had the great privilege of hosting one of my best friends in NYC. It felt so good to share life with someone who just knows me inside and out. There were so many shenanigans I can’t even begin to write about them all. One of the most memorable ones was probably eating a giant cookie that was still warm from the oven. Yum.

Family withdrawals:

Family withdrawals have probably been the most painful ones lately. On January 26th my grandmother passed away. I was able to travel home for her death and it was without a doubt the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of. Saying goodbye was also without a doubt one of the hardest things I have done in my short life. Grandma was really more like a third parent to me and she lived with our family since I was 7. Some of my fondest memories were times I spent with her. She taught me how to play the piano, showed me the glories of crappy television, and even took special care to bake me the worst tofu pumpkin pie on record. I choked down a whole piece to show her how much I loved her. One of the first things I did whenever I visited home was go to her room to wake her up with a hug, tell her I loved her and that I would see her in the morning. I don’t know what I am going to do when I go home this summer.

School withdrawals:

To end on a somewhat brighter note, I will start by saying that I miss school terribly. I am anxious to take up my research again and I can’t wait to code some data. The good news about all of this is that I was accepted to Columbia’s Doctoral program for Sociology! Woohoo! I have to say that I am so excited about this. I get to pursue a dream I have had for a very long time, in a city I have fallen in love with, surrounded by people I love and adore. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is still a very long tunnel that will take me around 4 years to travel through but I am beyond excited, relieved, and most of all at peace. My acceptance to Columbia was the answer to more prayers than I know of. The journey ahead of me is so beautifully crafted I can hardly believe it is true.

While it may not seem completely relevant to the topics above, I will end with a short passage that provides a glimpse into how I have experienced God in this past month or so.

In the midst of what we are going through this summer I have to hold onto this, to return to the eternal questions without demanding an answer. The questions worth asking are not answerable. Could we be fascinated by a Maker who was completely explained and understood?The mystery is tremendous, and the fascination that keeps me returning to the questions affirms that they are worth asking, and that any God worth believing in is the God not only of the immensities of the galaxies I rejoice in at night when I walk the dogs, but also the GOd of love who cares about the sufferings of us human beings and is here, with us, for us, in our pain and in our joy.

Madeleine L’Engle, Two-Part Invention

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